I'm still alone.. 5 years later.. I'm still alone.
But Today I sit here writing this with no tv on for background noise. No music playing. No kids distracting.. No distractions at all.. And I'm happy..
For the first time in my life, I feel at peace..
Its just me and my big beautiful thoughts, dreams and ideas..
If you'd ask me today what I thought my soul's purpose was.. I'd tell you, "Simple. I want to help people."
I would go on to say, "but, most importantly, I want to help people like me. And I want to do it in a way that benefits the collective as a whole."
You see, we all want to help people. We all gravitate to broken people that need fixing. We identify with people who are broken like us and we want to help them. We all hurt our own feelings by expecting someone to reciprocate the love or the favor or the gesture..
I mean, at least that's how it was for me for the last 5, 10, fuck, 15, jesus, yea 20 years ago for me. You can keep lying to yourselves but I know I've bent over fn backwards for people over and over again to only be down right shit on in return..
It finally dawned on me the other day...
During my morning break walk, I was listening to The Source by Dr. Tara something or other..
(if you wanna know ask in the comments and I'll link in audible..)
She was quoting Gandhi, "be the change you wish to see in the world."
The other weekend, I had a very few random yet quite interesting conversation with random people during a woodworking function.
The next couple of days, during my meditation sun absorbing session, it just came to me.
I heard that little fn voice in my head say, "Be the change".
Until next time, sweet dreams.
Disclaimer: This is my blog - so feel free to fuck right off if you don't like it. I'm trying to heal my emotional traumas and wounds - I apologize in advance if you don't like how my memories and feelings make you feel - but thats on you. That's on you to heal ;)
Thanks for reading!
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