I'm not sure why but for some reason I still find myself a little shocked every time some one asks me, what the hell a muse is.
I'm like, Ok, you really don't know anything about ancient greek mythology huh? .. lolol No, it's cool.
"In ancient Greek religion and mythology, the Muses are the inspirational goddesses of literature, science, and the arts. They were considered the source of the knowledge embodied in the poetry, lyric songs, and myths that were related orally for centuries in ancient Greek culture."
It came to me some time after I had watched the 1999 film, The Muse, featuring Albert Brooks, Sharon Stone, Jeff Bridges, Andie MacDowell, Martin Scorsese and a lot of other big Hollywood names.
I watched this movie a few times over in my life; it just really seemed to resonate with me for some reason.
"What happens when a screenwriter (Brooks) loses his edge, he turns to anyone he can for help... even if it's the mythical "Zeus's Daughter" (Stone). And he's willing to pay, albeit reluctantly, whatever price it takes to satisfy this goddess, especially when her advice gets him going again on a sure-fire script. However, this is not the limit of her help, she also gets the writer's wife (MacDowell) going on her own bakery enterprise, much to the chagrin of Brooks, who has already had to make many personal sacrifices for his own help."
It didn't really hit home until about early 2012. You see, if you've read anything else here, you'll know I spent a lot of my life giving away my "gifts". You'll also know that this was the beginning of a very difficult time in my life.
After reflecting back on my life, I had realized that I had been focusing my "gifts" on the people in my life and in return they were inspired to do better, be better, have better, begin working on themselves to do just that..
Much like Sharon Stone in the movie, the people she chose to bestow her gifts to, prospered. Likewise, when you don't give the muse what she's asked for; your life reverts back to what it was before she came into your life.
Except unlike the movie, I never asked for monetary things or expensive gifts. I just did it because I loved them and wanted them to be happy. If they were happy, I was happy. I thought that if I made them happy and gave them what they wanted then, they would treat me better. Just the thought of that alone, in turn, made me happy in that moment to continue giving away my gifts.
I've poured every single ounce of my beautiful energy and gifts into those people just to feel a shred of love, appreciation, and acceptance. I did it so they wouldn't abandon me. Leave me. Hurt me. But they all did anyway.
Silly now to think back about it - how many times I sacrificed myself for those people around me and in the end, none of it mattered one tiny bit.
I mean, back in 2012, I was an angry fn bitch. I was mad about being taken for granted. By every fn body that was in my life.
My first husband wouldn't do anything "extra". I remember secretly signing him up to coach our son's little league. To this day, he's coached our son for the last 10+ years of his life, watching our boy, go to college to play baseball. That seems to make him the happiest when he's coaching his son.
But after all these years later, he doesn't tell my kids that story on how it all began. I'm sure not. He also won't tell you how I worked three jobs to keep the heat on while he did the laundry.
Ok, anyway, you can read about that when I get that one finished.
Where was I. Oh right, I'm explaining museme.
One day, I was contemplating the fact that maybe I really am a muse. It just seemed so relevant to my life and how I seem to inspire the people around me.
I remember thinking - who's gonna muse me though? A lot of my life I have been searching for that one thing that will inspire me and set my soul on fire. I wanted to be inspired. I want to create beautiful gifts for the world and I wanted to inspire others to do the same.
I usually have amazing and inventive ideas that will help you in some way or another. Random people come up to me and talk to me. They usually end up telling me their life story and I just listen. If I comment, its only suggestions. You can rest assured, I left some gift for that individual to help them on their journey.
I inspire people to believe in themselves and that if I can do it, anyone can do it. People seem to want to pour their heart's desires out to me, maybe because subconsciously they want my help to inspire a result for it. Or maybe they just want to be heard. Maybe their soul stops my soul on the street so that I can enlighten or brighten their day - because you needed it. I honestly, don't know lol..
I've heard my once spoken thoughts and ideas come from my friends and family. And it makes me happy. I've never said, "Hey, remember me telling you that?" Or "Hey, that's my idea". I've never asked for credit or acknowledgement.
It's just my gift to you. This is my gift to you. This journal is my gift to the collective.
LMAO Aaaand that started a whole other, "figuring out what makes me happy" journal. lmao
P.S. yea, I know. I'm well aware of how crazy I sound.. But we've already established that idgaf what you think.. (and btw neither should you)
References:
Comments